I have no recollection of when Chemistry entered my
life. It seemed to have gnawed at me until I simply had to pay attention, and by then, I was in Class 9 and the
teachers seemed to be yelling at us to buck up for the 10th standard
Board exams. I remember lurking outside the Chemistry lab, desperately trying
to avoid the teacher’s eagle eye by looking busy either rummaging in my bag for
assorted books & stationery, or bending down to tie my already-tied shoe
laces. Most of 9th Standard was spent this way. By the time I
reached Class 10, I was a pro at dodging the Chemistry teacher. I would always
look harassed, busy, distracted and studious all in quick succession, or I
would sidle up to any really good student (most of my friends were ‘good’
students – well academically, anyway) and so, the teacher would think I was
earnest and many times, that was enough for her!
Oh, I was earnest alright. Earnest about not getting
caught because I understood close to nothing about this subject! Looking back
now, I really wonder how I passed the Class 10 feared board exams. The answer
is this. God and the Universe (including faraway stars and galaxies) smiled
down at me and said ‘thou shalt pass the Class 10 exams and leave Chemistry in
peace forever.”
And so, when Chemistry exam morning dawned bright
(as it always damn well does on an exam day), I was a nervous bundle of wreck.
I was desperate to pass just so I didn’t have to meet with Chemistry ever
again. I took my place in the lab quivering like a big jelly fish. I couldn’t
meet any one’s eyes in case I broke down in anticipation of not getting my
required result of the experiment. I began the experiment without my usual lack
of focus and went through the steps as though I was a horse with blinders.
Being such an abysmally poor student of Chemistry, I
can only recall this much – that my element for the exam was zinc oxide and I
had to get it right by getting green-edged ash on a tissue paper. I only knew
the theory of it having studiously steered clear of all experiments, beakers
and test tubes until that final moment. For Harry Potter fans, let me share with
you, that I was like Neville Longbottom in front of Professor Severus Snape in
Potions, designed for disaster and humiliation.
Anyway, as I said, I was smiled upon by the Creator
as well as his Creations like the Universe and what not, because I did get the green-edged ash on the edges
of my tissue paper. I erupted in glee and (I kid you not here) galloped towards
the formidable Chemistry teacher who was lazily lounging on a chair and chatting
with the External Examiner looking supremely relaxed. She looked up startled at
the galloping gooseberry in front of her as I panted and waved my green edged
ash tissue in her face. “Miss, Miss, I got zinc oxide – the correct reaction –
green edged ash!” I huffed and I puffed, and showed her most of my teeth as I
did this and after a shocked pause, she snapped not unkindly, “Ok. But have you
finished writing this out for the exam?” Deflating at once but unable to
contain my relief, I quickly turned tail and shuffled back to my spot to write
out the experiment knowing I had passed and Chemistry and I were getting an
out-of-court hefty divorce settlement on mutual consent and collaboration. It’s
what we call a win-win situation.
