Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The toilet seat exercise

Ok, so we are talking about the western toilet here. The throne. I fail to understand why women want the seat down (especially in the west) all the time and any man sharing the loo with them has to ensure he lets the seat down after he finishes with his 'small' job.

My point is...woman, why can you not just put the seat down yourself when it is time for your reign on the throne?

I would personally feel 'ugh' if I thought the toilet seat had remained down and the guy had sprinkled his tinkle all over the seat! This I think is a much graver problem. If the seat were up, at least I would know, the seat cover which I am going to use will not have his dew drops (yuck!).

If someone can explain this business to me, that would be great.

Anycase, I don't like the idea of sharing my loo (or kakkoos as we charmingly call it down south) with anyone on a long-term basis but ... I am afraid we can't always have all that we want!!


On another note...
As a passionate bathroom-lover I must say that whenever I travel and then finally get back home, the thing I look forward to most is performing my 'jobs' in my 'wown' loo. Aaha. Inbamo inbam that is!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Inspired by Blogeswari

This piece is in honour of Independence Day, August 15th as well as my dad's tenth death anniversary, 7th August, and the thoughts were pretty much awakened by blogeswari.blogspot.com's sharing of patriotism.

I was in the eleventh standard (or so) and very very enthu about most things. I considered myself quite a patriot. Loved the Indian national anthem (and still do) and find it difficult most times these days, to finish it without them lumps in the throat! My Dad had always insisted on being as much of an Indian as possible and he taught me to sing the national anthem always standing up and erect...even whilst practising.

So, I am in class -- twas just a regular, routine class and some kids were rehearsing the Independance Day programme outside class and we could hear most of it. When they came to practising the national anthem, I suddenly realised that I was lounging around so i quietly got up and stood, not caring about the rest of the class's giggles. It took a few moments for the teacher to realise that one of her students was not seated. She look astonished and asked 'What are you doing?' (I was a favourite although lousy at her subject) I said 'National Anthem, miss'.

'It's Ok, sit down' and no matter how many 'buts' I stammered out, she waved me off.

I came home and told my Dad what happened. He was most disappointed in the teacher. "No wonder our country's going to the dogs' he said.

Even today, I am wondering which attitude is right.

But I still stand up whenever I even hear it.

'Jai Hind!' I say...always!

Pesterfering Phony Panni

He was not exacty a colleague although he worked for the same company I did. As a punishment for being employed by the same company, I met him a few times (totally perhaps 6-7 times) during my 6 years in that office. I was never particularly fond him although he was fairly polite with me and not bad looking either!! BUT...

He would say some things...stuff, which he ought not to be telling some woman whom he barely knew. Things about his wife and just how disinterested with her he was or something along those lines. Only, he phrased it differently "She has a problem". SHE! Right. But I NEVER (even on terribly bored days) encouraged this subject. In fact I studiously ignored it. But consistently, he would make it a point to show his lack of interest.

Later... I was not in the company any more. Nor he. Professionally also, he had a few black marks to his credit, er, DEBIT, I mean. However, he got my home number from some blessed colleague of mine and called me one day out of the blue. First he wanted me to 'be his friend'. Then he wanted to know if I 'knew any one who could help him in a land dispute' (YAWN!) I did not. Neither did I jump with joy when he said "You are my only friend in Chennai". Oh you sicko. Am sure there is a reason you have no friends. Well, as it turned out, there are many reasons. Then, we got back to the sob story of "My wife has a problem. Untreatable. We live separate lives". SNORE. I took two calls like that -- pointless talks with people I doubt sincerely don't do it for me anymore. So, I stopped taking his calls. He tried, tried, tried. Smsd. Like EVERY day. One day I picked up my house phone (no caller id) and he wanted to know if I wanted a job in the company he worked for. "Nope" I said. Then he actually came home (Don't know how he got my address....eeks) and wanted to see me. I was really mad and told somebody to take a message as I was 'not home'. The message was his visiting card. Hmph.

Then I simply continued ignoring his smss and calls again until MAYBE he got the point. This was around 5 months ago. To cut this long story short, it has now turned out that the man had pestered enough other people to earn him some serious trouble with the law in his romantic, extra-marital endeavours. Ha. PPP I believe and HOPE is being correctly punished for focussing on rubbish instead of on LIFE.

Ok, Now I think this guy's a waste of space in my blog. Will give it a few days and then delete it. Since I mentioned PPP before, just wanted to take the tale to its logical ending.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

On the train with Pervert Prabhu

2001 August or so, I travelled by overnight train to Bangalore and back with my mother. On the return journey to Chennai, there were only men in our compartment -- which bothered me somewhat. Still, it could not be helped and it was soon time to lay out sheets and lie down. I had the lower berth as did my mom. I helped the guy in the middle berth (just above mine) to spread the sheet on his berth. Really, I did not help so much as give the sheet a twitch and a tug once. I would do it for anyone...well, not anymore. The guy mumured thanks to which i just smiled non-comittally. (I no longer do this--my middle name is now Grumpy-Face).You'll see why. The guy was in his late twenties or so...normal looking.

The lights went out -- I had a vague opinion on one of the other guys on the uppermost berths -- that he was rather selfish and brash. Don't remember how that opinion was formed...anyway...so, it was dark and I thankfully had my blanket pulled right up to my chin. Say around 1 or 2 a.m., I was woken up by some weird pressure on my toes! I looked to see this middleberth 'thanker'-turned-pervert massaging my toes. MASSAGING! Ugh. At first, i could not BELIEVE my eyes. So I waited in complete bewildement and disbelief. Then he came again over the edge of his berth (footside) and did it again. Then I yelled "You $%#$ stop that" and then he stopped as if shot and went back onto his berth..disappeared from my line of vision. I was shaking with anger and ...ugh-feelings. I shouted out again, calling him some names. Bloody so and so...you get the picture. Still, nothing happened. The guys around seemed disturbed but nobody did anything.

My Mom asked me what happened, i told her (taking care to be loud)and I was even more annoyed when all she said was "do you want to switch places with me?" So I got up and walked a bit up and down the corridor looking for a cop. OBVIOUSLY there are no cops when one desperately wants to see one! So i switched on the lights and came back to lie down on my berth. I did this cos I wanted to rouse the morons who surrounded me (I was equally angry at the rest of the co-passengers for not caring about my yells). After a few minutes, the selfish fellow on the upper berth said "what is this? i am trying to sleep -- who put the lights on?" Aha. This was what i was waiting for. "I did" I retorted loudly. "There is an indecent guy on the middle berth above me and I don't feel safe so I switched the lights on". The selfish jerk then says "But madam, that is between you and him...why should you disturb the rest of us?" At this, I was pretty enraged. I got up and faced the whole compartment and shouted and raved about their selfishness and the guy's bad behaviour.

Pervert Prabhu who had been pretending to sleep pretended to look up groggily and I bit his head off. Figuratively of course...who would touch that jackass with a tenfoot pole? I snapped at him and said "don't pretend!" One guy half-heartedly, reprimanded PPrabhu. I told the lot that when we reach Chennai, i would summon a policeman and take it from there and as the chivalrous men in the compartment did not care for my discomfort or safety, i would let them get back to their beauty sleep, I would switch off the lights. BUT...IF anything further happened, I would lead the whole lot of them into a lot of trouble. I then went back to my berth in a huff after switching off the lights.

I bet the guys got nervous with my big talk cos one crept out and put some dim lights on and thereafter nobody (MUCH to my satisfaction) slept. They kept going to the loo. Serves them right.

In the morning as I was itching to get to a cop, Pervert Prabhu sidled off his berth QUICKLY and disappeared in a jiffy. As for me? I ranted a bit at my Mom who did not have much to say (i am still a wee bit bugged!) and then thought of the best way to cleanse my toes although he did not touch me directly - only through the blankets. Still...YUCK!

I came home and scrubed my feet hard for a few days.

And only then did i sit back and dare to consider rape victims...actually, i did NOT dare. It is too horrible to even think about. I am quite proud of my actions that night. All I regret is not having slapped him a few times. THAT would have sealed the deal. What say?

Next in line...PPP.

Btw, thanks for the 4 comments I got for my previous. Yes, LKS, I do know that the US folks have your point as one of the few better-than-Indian things about them. I was there for 6 months 11 years ago. I found there that nobody cared how others dressed--GREAT! (But also, nobody...cares!)


Appalling people - I regret not kicking these butts!

Nearly 2 years ago...

There was this one lady in my gym (We will call her Mean Madam)who started the girls' locker room-talk with "so tell me, how come you got so fat?" Aha! Always the right note to make friends - a real charmer! I was so pissed off I told her "well, the obvious way -- too much food and not enough exercise". If it was today, i bet I would have said something a lot less polite to her and more satisfying to me. As it was, I was terribly shocked at her meanness and just avoided her thereafter. And only few months later, when i was getting tired of playing 'hide' from her (not hide and seek--did nt wanna seek THIS dame!) , did I learn from my aerobics classes pals that this one was a majorly unpopular number, being mean all around to everyone. The point to note is that she herself is not exactly svelte! Hmph.

The next is about a man who I am still playing 'hide' from, at the gym. This ManduMister was just another member who offered the stretch machine to me from what I thought was perhaps chivalry! Hah. Fat assumption. He turned out to be a plain ol' jerk. I accepted the machine out of turn cos I was in a real hurry and after i had finished, I got ready to leave but turned back to smile and say ' i am in a hurry today so, thanks'. Now this twit responded with "can i ask you something?". Apologetically, I said "yes...but am in a bit of a hurry...?"

So, Mister Twit says "How did you put on so much weight?" Again as apalled as i was, I said 'er...in the usual way' and he pressed on "Do you eat nonveg?" I said "Er.......no...err..." I mean who the hell is he to ask me any of this? So why do I owe him an answer, honest or otherwise? Of course me today, would have stuck my tongue out at him or given him a cold look and walked out on the conversation, but me then, was a pushover.

So he goes on "ah, then it must be easy to lose weight if you are veg" (Well, DUH!heard of the vegetarian mammal -- The ELEPHANT?) Blubbering on..." What do you eat in the morning?" "DUHHHH. Am i going to discuss my life with you?"

So i said "Look, as I said, I am really in a hurry...so.." and moved away a bit. Then he goes" ok, ok, sorry, but you have such a nice face and..." This was the last straw. Hitting on and insulting me at the same time! It was not even like he is some James Bond variety! Definitely had a James Bonda face and a very irritating expression and a horrible dress sense and an annoying, receding hairline! None of these I would have noticed MIND you, if he had been a nice person in the first place!

Saying "Thanks..." for the 'compliment', I strode off. Later I heard from a friend at the gym that he tried asking her out for coffee to discuss his marital 'issues'!! Basically, a man best avoided!Also learned his name which I have now, (predictably?) forgotten!

Even today, if I see him around (which i thankfully don't much), I simply dart in the opposite direction! Escapist I definitely am. Else, might throw something at him but usually have nothing filthy enough to do so.

That's the story of Mister Twit.

As for the Mean Madam, she is hardly to be seen and if seen, we all make sure she is not heard!!

Next post will probably be about my encounter with a sicko on a train...let's call him Pervert Prabhu! Ohhh and I must follow that up with the Pesterfering Phony Panni (PPP), the guy who was looking for extra marital affairs in the name of frienship and called one of the most unlikely candidates for it in the world...yeah, ME!:)

But those are not gym tales...just tales;)

Just wait...till my next post.


Thursday, August 02, 2007

Back to the future!

Got back to the gym yesterday. After 3 months, I discovered, my various and abundant body parts are still functioning well. But my enthusiasm had waned. Probably the old poster that said " I might as well exercise. I am in a bad mood anyway" has taken the front seat. Bad mood caused by weight gain of course. The fault is mine of course. Which makes my bad mood worse of course. This is the reason I don't think too much these days...about anything!!;)

So half-heartedly, I went through the aerobics routine yesterday and today find that my belly has identified the outer adipose wall which constitutes my biggest ache. Wish I had considered exercise as normal as brushing my teeth, bathing... and you know other 'needful' activities from when I was very young. But as it is, I find everything is an effort -- moving and shaking and all that!

Still, I have gone back to some routine for workouts however sad my attitude is. I relished my workout today cos the woman on the efx (crosstrainer) next to mine was cribbing about another guy in the gym - a tall, weirdo who apparently does annoying things like switching channels constantly on the TV monitors and also moving weirdly to the music. This kind of entertainment is enough to take my mind off the workout at hand and the number of calories required to be burned.:)

There are some good stories from the gym that I can share here...not great stuff but it all strives to keep my interest alive. Weirdos from the same planet. Ahaaaa. I will write about one guy, whose name is Babber (actually it is another name but I want the name to be silliier than it is cos HE is definitely an ass).

Good, good. Looking forward to next post then...It's gonna be a bigtime crib, I tell you!