Lokku. Lokku. LOKKU LOKKU.
Why is it that I feel embarrassed when overcome by a coughing fit? People know I cannot help it, right? People know that one coughs only because one has to and tha it is not voluntary. Coughing is, apparently, as explained to me by one-number boring, staid ol' doctor, something to be thankful for -- one of God's miracles. It is a protective mechanism that the body has. Great. But each time I cough, I try to remember this miracle business but all I come up with in my head is: "Oh, no, please make it stop!"
Note: Why I call that particular doctor boring is because he is very slow and deliberate in EVERYthing he does, has neatly combed, well-oiled hair with a side parting, and writes down stuff over, and over again like there is no tomorrow. Actually, tomorrow often arrives by the time he is done writing. Apparently a good doctor, though I can't say I am personally 100%convinced of it. He is soft-spoken but not particularly 'sweet'. Has potential to become a Dolores Umbridge if you ask me. (You will only get this if you read Harry Potter.)
Sneezes. Another catostrophy in social situations. Earlier, I was so careful about sneezing and so conscious about not spraying other people that I would say: Ah!...mmmmMM. No 'A-chooooo' for me. My family is full of big sneezers. They can bring a house down or at the very least, shatter the atmosphere in the room. Finally, when I heard (whether true or not, I can't say I bothered to find out) that supressing a sneeze is bad for health, I have joined the Big Sneezers Club. A-Chooooooo for me too. And what is this 'excuse-me' and 'God bless you' business? Yes, I heard that when you sneeze, your heart stops or something and therefore people say 'bless you' to get the heart going again, but would n't 'excuse me' be relevant for coughs too?
Burps. Apparently disgusting to others, this offers relief for the burper and unfortunately, has the potential to stink. I don't let out too many burps myself, and must admit, don't appreciate them in others try as I might!! Burps are usually followed by a 'sorry'. For what, exactly? Yes, you need to be sorry perhaps, if it stinks, and needless to say, I would demand a 'sorry' in that case, but if this is an involuntary bodily thing, why are we going around apologizing to other creatures who are themselves fully capable of burping right back?
Farts. Aha. Tricky business. Do it quietly and stealthily and you can often get away with it. But others have to pay the price for the awful stink that often accompanies the silent ones. In my crazy family, we would actually sing a particular song for the silent ones! The noisy fart is clearly an ice-breaker.
Oh, and why are farts funny by the way? Is it because it is funny when your backside makes a noise? Is that it? But believe you me, nobody is going to be amused if your backside does anything other than fart!
I have come across many farts (er, not people, but the actual function...er, others' I mean) and have invariably giggled or guffawed. Nowadays, with maturity -- unpopularly known as 'age', I have learned to try to act as if nothing happened. Which I sometimes think, is how it should be.
This no-real-point-to-make post reminds me of a coaster we had many years ago, which was a favourite: "I am a bit of a bullshitter myself, but YOU go ahead. I'm listening."
Well, I really am...